Your child’s social circle is the second most important group surrounding him, next to his family. Establishing friendships at a young age is important because it helps a child’s development as social skills come into play. Depending on their age and exposure, children socialize in different ways. A child who is constantly around people may find it easier to warm up to other kids, regardless of age and number. This doesn’t necessarily mean the opposite for a child who is used to being alone. He may also be eager to socialize because he wants to be around children his age; or he may find some difficulty in being with his peers because he’s gotten quite used to being by himself.
By exposing your child to other kids early on, he learns about sharing, taking turns, caring and respecting others.
PLAYDATES AND PLAY SCHOOLS
Children below two years old usually start forming their social circles through play dates organized by their parents. And more often than not, they’re first introduced to other children of the same age from their parents’ social circles. “Initially, Benny mingled with his cousins; luckily, they were young too. Then I started exposing him to my friends’ babies for playgroups,” says mompreneur Denise Gonzales, of her two-year-old son. The good thing with this kind of setup is that the parents know each other, and can better manage several children playing at the same time. A child who isn’t as sociable when it comes to interacting with other kids he just met can easily adjust and be more comfortable when he can see that his parents know the other people in the room.
Some parents put their children in pre-schools or daycare centers to expose them to a bigger circle and a different setup. “I put Ananda in school even before she turned two years old! I didn’t want her getting bored at home—I wanted her to have time with other kids. When we moved to Australia, I would put her in daycare three times a week to get her used to being around other people,” says Erica Paredes, a beauty editor, entrepreneur, and mom to Ananda, 5.
Some children, even at a very young age, tend to be more sociable than others. They seem to be more open to people, even those they just met. “Zizi was very sociable. She was never afraid of people. In fact, she loves being around a large group of people,” shares mompreneur Tina Afable-Narciso of her three-year-old daughter.
CREATING A SOCIABLE ENVIRONMENT
Desiree Laoang, directress of the Learning Jungle Preschool in Fort Bonifacio, says, “Friendships are formed in an environment conducive to socialization and with the guidance of an adult. Once the kids have transitioned from parallel play to cooperative play, that is the only time friendship begins.”
Provide kids with toys that can be shared. Very young children are used to playing alone and having all the toys for themselves. They normally engage in parallel play first by just playing side by side before actually interacting with other children. Adults can guide children by teaching them how they can play together and share the toys without fighting.
Encourage the children to help each other attain a common goal. A small group of children can work together in solving a puzzle or building a house made with blocks. This will also help them understand the concept of cooperation.
Teach children how to compromise. Conflicts usually happen when it comes to sharing toys or taking turns. When this happens, discuss how they can compromise. Involve the children in solving the problem at hand. You can say, “How about we take turns so everyone gets a chance to play with the ball? Paul can have the ball for now, while John plays with the trucks. Then later on, you can switch. Does that sound good to both of you?”
Praise children when they exhibit pro-social behavior. Avoid negativity by focusing on the positive. If you notice a child who seems to want to have all the toys to himself, try saying, “I like how Nathan and Andre are taking turns sharing the toy cars. Do you want to join them and share your toys with them?” Avoid making comments using negative words like selfish, bad, and greedy.
Find out what tickles your child’s fancy. As parents, you can help encourage your child to be more sociable by finding out which situations he readily opens up to. Does your little one enjoy playing with other children at the playground? Set playdates at the park. Does your child warm up more easily when adults aren’t watching? Make sure that you and the other parents keep a certain distance so the children can have their own space while playing. What works for one child may not necessarily work for the other, so be sure to find out what your tot prefers.
SOCIAL EXPOSURE
How soon should you expose your children to social scenarios? Crissie Malay, a teacher at The Beacon School, says, “A child’s social development is harnessed with exposure to other people, where the interaction is crucial to their skills development, especially on language formation. It’s never too early to set play dates with children.”
Laoang agrees, “It is never really too early to expose your child to other kids. Set your expectations according to your child’s age. At about age three, you can already explain friendship and socialization to your child, at a level he will understand.” She further explains, “But always keep in mind that each child is different, and this difference is dependent on prior social exposure, innate temperament, and the home environment.”
How will you know if your child is socializing enough and has healthy social relationships? According to Joe Sibayan, co-proprietor and curriculum director at Keys Grade School, “Evaluating whether or not your child is socializing enough requires you to take your child’s personality and developmental level in consideration. In terms of personality, some children seem to naturally have no inhibitions when it comes to approaching other children and initiating interactions. It is important that, while we all value social skills, we do not force our children to do things socially that they are not emotionally ready to do.” He further adds, “The other aspect to consider when evaluating children’s social skills is their developmental level. Being able to strike up friendships, as adults define the term, requires being able to take the perspective of another, respond with empathy, and focus on someone for an extended period of time—all of which are quite difficult to do for very young children who are yet to develop perspective-taking and communication skills. It is therefore important that parents support their children’s socialization while bearing in mind that children are still developing their social skills. Parents need not worry about their child’s socialization as long as he is given the opportunity to interact with others under the guidance of adults who can model and mentor the children in relating with others, such as parents themselves, teachers, and well-trained yayas.”
FRIENDLY READS
These books can help you teach your child about friendship
Making Friends: A Guide to Getting Along with People by Andrew Matthews
The sequel to the best-selling book, Being Happy, this focuses on the people around us—people we love, people who depend on us, people who help us—even people we avoid. It helps you understand that if you what friendship, you have to become a friend first.
Indie Kidd: Oops, I Lost My Best(est) Friends by Karen McCombie
Indie Kidd helps her brother make friends, which in turn alienates her from her own best friends! This teaches children how making more friends does not meant loving your older friends any less.
Filipino Friends by Liana Romulo and Corazon Dandan-Albano
As told from the eyes of a Filipino-American boy who is visiting the Philippines for the very first time, this book brings to light Filipino customs, helping kids better understand the Pinoy culture.
Also published on SmartParenting.com.ph:
